It’s been a long time since my last blog. Partly
because there’s just too many things that I want to do, too many things I need
to do, and too little time to do. And all of these things are pulling and
tugging me in different directions and the end result is more or less I feel
like a puddle. I just want to lay here until I evaporate. But anyway I thought
it would be a good idea to organize a bit, and maybe that would help motivate
me to finish something.
Things that I want to do:
I want to write more. I always mean to write
more. I have a list that I keep with different blogs I want to eventually
write, topics like: an update on how my Japanese is doing, what it’s like being
a hidden (Asian) foreigner, my favorite things in Japan (which is a
surprisingly dull list).
Part of what’s stopping me is I have this grand
ambition of writing a field guide documenting every year I’ve spent studying
Japanese, what worked, what didn’t work, milestones, but it’s just a little
outside of what I can handle right now so instead I just plan and dream about
it, ha, ha..
I want to draw more. I think I always fancied
myself to be an artist, but as a 23 year old it’s a lot different from middle
school where every single anime boy you drew got compliments like “omg ursoo
good at drawing. Can you draw me something???”
I have this stupid pressure to be “good”
(everyone who makes art probably gets it), but in reality I draw way less than
I did as a 13 year old. Everyone of my watercolor pieces takes at least a few
hours (and usually I’m not even that satisfied with the end result). Also,
after getting back from work, arms shaking from using the mouse all day, the
last thing I want to do is hunch over a piece of paper weighed down by my own
personal expectations of making “good art.”
I want to pass the N1. Which for those who don’t
know, is the highest level of the Japanese Level Proficiency Test, and every
foreigner’s wet dream. Honestly it’s kinda a bit far fetched seeing that I’ve
never taken any of the easier levels. But. Go big or go home right? (And I want
to get it over with. None of that, study for the N2, take the N2, study for the
N1, take the N1 bullshit. Yes I’m so lazy…)
The problem is that I’m not studying for it...
And the times I’ve cracked open a practice test I score around 60% right…
*Just did some research into what counts as
passing, and their standards are so abysmal that maybe I can pass...full score
is a 60. You need to score at least a 19 in order to pass. That’s like passing
with a score of 32%...
Ok, maybe that’s doable.
I want to learn Chinese. Which I’m literally
doing nothing for. I keep telling myself that I’ll start after I pass the
N1.Which I’m not studying for. I’m thinking about bringing the study book to
work so I can do it during lunch. We’ll see how that goes.
I want to get skinnier. “But you look fine” my
friends all say. But we all know that we look into the mirror and everyone has
gripes that no one else cares about. I’m going to the gym about three times a
week. It pretty much siphons all the time I would spend working on any other of
my goals. Changes are extremely incremental, I’d probably get way better
results working on literally any of my other goals for the amount of time I put
in. So from an efficiency standpoint, I am clearly prioritizing wrong.
Things I need to do:
I need to clean my room. In college we had
carpet floors so I never noticed how much I shed. By the time Saturday rolls
around I’m always confronted by a shit ton of hair on the floor, a slow
migration of stuff from my makeup shelf to my desk, and the appearance of
abandoned cups that I haven’t bothered to wash throughout the week.
I need to go to the dentist. I’ve never booked
my own doctors appointments before (yes, I know. I am a child…). I haven’t
booked my dentists appointment despite musing on it for a couple of weeks. I
have these two divets in my teeth that feel sensitive when I swirl water around
my mouth. Partly it’s just cause I’ve never done it before. Partly its cause I
don’t want to go to a Japanese dentist and have to fill out paperwork in
Japanese and have a conversation about my dental hygiene in Japanese. I’ll book
it after writing this blog.
I need to make food. Having a cafeteria is
really convenient. You get pre-prepared food. You get company to talk to. You
have your dirty dishes whisked away by a conveyor belt. I’ve been dealing with
this by meal prepping a week’s worth of food, the downside is that I’m eating
the same thing for lunch and dinner for the whole week. Luckily it doesn’t
bother me too much.
I need to watch Youtube. Or anime, or netflix.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a chore so much as I need it to feel like a sane
human and to destress throughout the week. This season’s Anime I’m watching:
Working Cells!, Bananafish, Boku no Hero Academia. And I want to watch season 3
of Attack on Titans but I haven’t had the time.
Yeah so that’s all the stuff I want/got to do.
If you’ve made it this far, hooray I guess? You should probably get off the
toilet seat now. I’m gonna make lunch and book my dentist appointment.
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