What's in a Name

I was born in China with the name Jiaying. I’d say, It’s pretty normal for a Chinese kid born in China to get a Chinese name. But when I was 4, I moved to the U.S. and from then on I had name problems.

Most people I know who moved to the U.S. from China had their names changed by their parents on arrival. For some reason my parents didn’t do that for me so I started pre-school as Jiaying.

I remember watching a decent amount of Jackie Chan Adventures on channel 7, and I really wanted to change my name to either Jackie or Jade. My parents however, were less excited about that, “you know if you change your name to Jackie, people are going to think of Jackie Chan, how about Jessica?” Back then names like Jessica, Jennifer, and Kevin were really popular for asian kids.

I’m pretty sure my childhood consisted of me coming up with names that were ultimately rejected. At the end of freshman year highschool, I was slated to move to Kansas. Keep in mind I lived in New York back then, this was an opportunity to start brand new. That was the first time I remember my parents actively encouraging me to pick a new name. By that time I had pretty much already established an identity as Jiaying, and wasn’t superduper eager about changing names, but I considered it.

Ultimately I kept it because my best friend at the time (NYSSSA 2010, I think) told me that it was a beautiful name. She also told me to not get braces cause gap teeth are unique.

When I started college my parents gave me the option again. They gave reasons like “people are going to discriminate against you when they see your name isn’t English!” But I was like “It’s too late now! Why didnt’ you let me change my name to Jackie when I was 7??” And of course the response was “Because Jackie Chan!”

So I used to hate the first day of school. Mainly cause it was a spectacle each period when each new teacher would try to learn names. They would read down their attendance list and when they get to my name they would go “Jay-ling? Jay-jing?” I don’t know why but for some reason most people really want that Y to be a L or a J. These teachers would make a huge deal about saying my name a million times because they wanted to get it “right.” And every time they’d pronounce it they would look at me, and I would say “it’s close enough.” It didn’t matter because every time they asked “No, no, say it in your mother tongue,” I said my name in Chinese, “Jia1-ying3” they would be sure to butcher it.

Up until college I would offer two different options for how people said my name. Sometimes I would say “Jay-ing” and sometimes I would go with “Jie (rhymes with die)-ing.” People would get really confused when I would say one then the other. “Which one is the correct one?!”, “none of them but at least you can say them with enough practice?” I didn’t really get my shit together until college, I go by “Jay-ing” now. I figured that I might as well be consistent with the way people mispronounce my name.

People also really like calling me Jay. “Can I call you Jay?,” “Umm, well it’s not really my style...sure, whatever.” It’s easier to just give in sometimes. Besides, the alternative is people sometimes flat out avoid saying it, like it was on their taboo card or something.

I have so many conversations where people skirt around saying my name, and as a result I’ve become hypersensitive to it. Honestly, I would rather have you fuck up my name and let me correct you than to feel like you’re avoiding me cause you want to save yourself the embarrassment of being wrong.

So besides being really hard for people to pronounce, my name also seems really hard for people to spell. The most common spelling mistake people make is spelling Jiaying as Jaiying. Which is understandable, jai does happen to look more like jay than jia does.

I hate it when trendy drink places (Starbucks?) are like “can I get a name with that?” and then I go through one of three scenarios:

1. I tell them the truth and they care enough to spend time awkwardly playing the guessing game while customers behind me get impatient
2. I tell them the truth and the cup comes back as “Jane”
3. I tell them my name is Jane

I’ve even had my name misspelled on my social security card. Isn’t that the one place you can’t fuck up?

Besides that, other little things will crop up. Letters will arrive to my house addressed to Mr. Jiaying Wei. My name will auto correct to Jailing. I let people get away with calling me the most ridiculous things because I didn’t want to spend the time correcting them. But honestly, I’m happy that I didn’t change my name to Jackie. But maybe Jade. Jade sounds cool.