"Where are you really from?"

Typically when I get asked the question “Where are you from?” I tell them Kansas. I think I get some twisted pleasure from the rift between their expectations and my response. But to be perfectly honest, I feel almost as Kansan as most people living in the world do (hint: not very Kansan). I don’t know why Kansas City BBQ is famous, I could care less about the Chiefs or the Jayhawks, pick some random American and they probably know more about Kansas than I do.

Before living in Kansas I lived in New York. Before that I lived in Japan. I felt like a New Yorker just about as much as I feel like a Kansan. I certainly do not feel Japanese. I honestly don’t know how to answer the question “Where are you from?” I have roots everywhere but at the same time nowhere. I think about this alot.

Occasionally I’ll have the person who’ll follow up with “Where are you really from?” This question often finds itself at the top of the list of microaggressions for many Asian-Americans. There are entire videos posted to Youtube where people snap their fingers in a Z-formation as they proclaim that they were born in the whitest city in rural Iowa. Usually people don’t ask “where are you really from?”, they ask things like “where were you born?” or “where are your parents from?” When that happens I feel like they’ve caught me, that I need to unzip my American outer skin and reveal myself as me, me who was born in China. I feel like my generation has been indoctrinated to feel offended when someone asks where they’re really from. My ABC (American Born Chinese) friends can harken to some hospital in America and feel insulted. I don’t know how to feel.

I mean it’s true, I wasn’t born here, so is it stupid that I feel insulted when people ask the question? The whole reason why people get offended in the first place is because deep down that question masks another remark “you’re not American aren’t you?” For people who’ve lived here their entire lives, it's easy to see how that’s offensive. I’m an American too, I’ve had my citizenship for five years, before that I had a green card, before that, my parents visa. I moved here when I was four. My friends are ABC so does that make me a CBA? Is there any difference between their version of being Chinese-American and my version?

I gag when someone asks me where I’m really from for another reason. I’m disgusted by my knee jerk reaction to hide my Chinese origin. Why should I be ashamed of being Chinese? People seem to have no problem inserting the fact that they’re 3th generation Irish, 1/5th Norwegian, and 2% Cherokee into their self introductions. Oh wait, I know why, America has been spewing years and years of anti-China propaganda, and we Americans are racist as fuck. I might not be able to hide the fact that I look Chinese but at least I can hide the fact that I was born there. I wonder if this us vs. them mentality is why so many young people insist on getting all up in arms when they’re asked “where are you really from?”